I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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