So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
