Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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