Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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