I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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