Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
