she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
