If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
