Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
