I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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