Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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