I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
