did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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