she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
