i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
