I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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