New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
