i just had sex bonerless
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize