her vagine was all disorganized.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
