3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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