Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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