I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
