and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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