I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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