i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
