Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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