ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
