So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
