she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Randomize
