Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
love makes seman taste better
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
