I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you had me at cake vodka
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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