Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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