You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
