if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
