Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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