he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
