Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
