don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize