The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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