I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
