I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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