I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize