Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
