do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
