He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
