No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
