did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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