i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
