Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
