Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
