She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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