Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
