Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
