Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize