so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
