I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
