im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
