Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
