Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize