It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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