Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
