i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
