drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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