fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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