Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
