It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
