So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
