the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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