Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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