Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
