I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize