I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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